


That's Not My Name

by BriellaBleu



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 09:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10919175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BriellaBleu/pseuds/BriellaBleu
Summary: Based off the upcoming scene shown in the sizzle reel between Iris and Savitar in 3x22





	That's Not My Name

He hated it here.

That was the first thought that flitted through Savitar’s mind as the elevators slid open and he was greeted with a bright hallway that lead towards the Cortex. Bad memories filled his brain and weighed him down like a wet blanket. Cisco’s dismissive attitude…Wally’s accusing glare…Joe’s empty, vacant stare…Barry’s rage and hatred…

All directed at him. All urging, pushing, forcing him away. Cutting and stabbing at him until he bled out and that life sustaining force was replaced with hatred, bitterness, and vengeance.

He hated it here. He hated the memories, he hated the smell, he hated the sterile quality of every surface in the building. More than anything, though, he hated the people that occupied this lab on a regular basis.

Savitar brushed off those distracting thoughts as he stalked through the hallway towards the Cortex. He only needed one thing and he knew that the lab would essentially be deserted save for HR. Which, as far as Savitar was concerned, meant that the lab was basically empty. HR never managed to prove his usefulness and Savitar knew he wasn’t about to start now.

He had just one more corner to turn before entering the Cortex but he slowed down when he heard the unmistakable ‘click clack’ of heels behind him. His steps faltered when he heard a soft, velvety voice say,

“Babe…you’re back already? Where’s Cisco? Did you find wha–”

He heard the air whoosh out of her lungs when he stopped and turned slightly so that the scarred side of his face was showing. The ‘click clack’ of her heels stuttered to a stop so abruptly that she slid slightly across the gleaming floor.

The silence in the hallway was deafening and suffocating. Time stood still. He considered running–speeding away so fast she wouldn’t even be sure she actually saw him. But his legs wouldn’t move. This wasn’t part of the plan. She wasn’t supposed to be here, he didn’t remember her being here.

“Barry?” He heard her ask timidly and his gut clenched in response. The feeling was a foreign one, he couldn’t remember the last time he felt something besides the burning acid of hatred in every fiber of his being. Now it was filled with something else: dread…trepidation…fear. 

He didn’t remember her. Memories of her were like an echo that would constantly ricochet in his head. He knew it was there but he could never fully grasp it. So he stopped. As it turned out it was too painful to try and hold on to it and if anything it accelerated his descent into madness. Memories of her were the only thing that kept the darkness away so when he started to lose those it was only a matter of time before all-encompassing rage snuffed out every ounce of love in his heart.

But now here she was, just a few feet behind him. Her rapid, ragged breathing was the only sound in the room. He needed to go. He had to go. This was not part of his plan–a plan that taken what felt like a lifetime to put into motion. They were going to pay for what they had done to him, all of them, even Iri–

“Barry?” 

His inner tirade was interrupted by her sweet voice and he closed his eyes tightly. He had gone so long without hearing that voice. So, so long without hearing that melodic tone in his ear. The gnawing in his gut turned into a literal, visceral, physical pain that wrangled a gasp out of him.

“Barry, ple–”

“THAT’S NOT MY NAME!!” 

He snarled as he spun to face her. She had to stop calling him that. She had to stop saying that name because as far as he was concerned Barry Allen was dead. He died the night of May 23, 2017 right along with Iris.

Savitar started to feel pin pricks on the surface of his skin. The sensation startled him because he hadn’t felt it in so long but he knew it well. That spark, that electricity that he always felt with Iris and only Iris. He hated himself for it. Hated knowing that he could still fall prey to the weakness of flesh. He was a God, he reminded himself, he had to be because gods don’t feel pain. They don’t suffer from unrelenting grief and they don’t have their hearts snatched out of their chests and shattered into a million pieces.

He expected her to run or to pull out her phone and press the panic button but she did none of that. Instead she just stared at him. He could feel her gaze searching his face and for the first time since he gotten the disfiguring scar on his face he felt self-conscious about it. Before he met her gaze he steeled himself to see either hatred, revulsion, anger, fear or a combination of all them. He was prepared for that, he got a crash course in it when the remaining people in his…or rather in Barry’s life shunned and turned their backs on him as if he was trash. When he was needed to sacrifice himself in order to save the day, using his feelings and emotions were the key to getting him to agree to help save Iris. But when the plan failed his feelings, emotions, and overwhelming pain didn’t matter. He was just a spare part in a machine that was beyond repair.

So now here he was, yet again, waiting to be shunned or hated by someone that he lov…used to love.

His eyes lifted and through his one good eye he could see Iris searching his face while tears ran down her face unchecked. He ignored the twisting in his gut and the prickling of his skin as he watched her. Her big brown eyes continued to search his face until finally she made eye contact with him. He took an automatic step back to get away from her but it was a wasted movement because she took two steps to cover the distance between them.

The anger and hatred he expected to see in her eyes wasn’t present and it threw him off enough that he flinched when he saw her lift her hand towards his face and his first instinct was to run but he felt as if his feet were glued to the ground. He held his breath as he felt her cool fingers slide across his scarred cheek. His eyes slid close of their own volition and for the first time in what felt like an eternity he felt a modicum of peace. It was fleeting at best but it was still there.

And he hated it.

“What happened to you?” Iris whispered in a tear-roughened voice as she brushed her thumb across his cheek leaving a trail of tiny sparks of electricity in it’s wake. “Who did this to you.”

He grabbed her wrist tightly–but not painfully–and looked her square in the eye and said, “You did.”

Iris jerked back at those words and she tried to yank her wrist of his hand but he wouldn’t let go.

“I would never hurt you!” She declared as angry hot tears began to drop from her eyes, “I would never do anything to you to cause you pain”. The words weren’t spoken but the unsaid implication was there–”I would never kill you.” 

Savitar had no recourse. He had no explanation that would be good enough and he had no justification. All he had was the gnawing pit of nothingness that seemed to grow and grown and grow until it seemed as if would swallow him whole one day.

“Losing you Iris…” He said gruffly as he let go of her wrist and it dropped back to her side, “ended Barry Allen. He won’t survive it…he can’t survive it.”

“I don’t believe you,” Iris answered stubbornly. “Barry is strong and he can survive almost an–”

“He is **NOT** going to survive this!“ He growled.

Iris lifted her chin and her eyes glittered dangerously as she glared at him, “Nobody knows Barry Allen better than I do, not even you.”

Savitar smirked sardonically at that suggestion, “It would make you sick to know the man he becomes once you’re gone.” 

“I’m not going anywhere,” She responded defiantly, “He is going to save me.”

“No,” Savitar answered almost regretfully, “he won’t.” He took one last long look that he didn’t deserve at the face he once loved more than anything. He then turned on his heel and started to walk but her quiet voice stopped him,

“So that’s it then? We lose, you win? I die, you live? Do you really hate me that much that murdering me doesn’t even faze you? I never did anything but love you Barry Allen and this is how you repay that love?”

“I am not Barry All–”

“YES, YOU ARE!” She yelled so loudly it had him looking back at her in disbelief.

“Look at my face…LOOK AT IT.” He said harshly as he whirled back around to face her. “Does this face look like the face of the man you love? Look at my eyes! What do you see there, huh? Do you see Barry Allen looking back at you? He. Is. Not. Here. He’s weak and he’s selfish and when push comes to shove he can’t get the job done. He couldn’t save you then and he won’t save you now.” 

“I don’t belie–”

“BELIEVE IT! Barry Allen is no hero. Your undying trust in him is going to be your downfall, Iris.”

“Well, I guess my fate is sealed then.” She finally responded after a long silence, “because I’m never going to lose faith in him.” 

“Then you’re a fool,” he said harshly as he turned away, “he doesn’t deserve your trust. He doesn’t deserve you…he never did.” 

“That’s for me to decide.”

“Then so be it.” He glanced back at her one last time and said, “Goodbye Iris West.” 

He stalked down the hall while ignoring the inexplicable lump in his throat and his steps didn’t even falter when he heard Iris quietly say, 

“Goodbye Savitar.” 

He refused to linger on why it hurt so much to hear her call him that.


End file.
